The Hidden Power Of Words
Author: James Conlon
How often have you spoken and the words haven’t landed the way you intended? Rather than your audience considering the points you make, your message evokes a negative or emotive response. This negative response could simply be down to your choice of words.
Certain words have powerful, hidden unconscious meanings that can have a strong impact either for us, or our audience. Understanding this enables us to choose our words more carefully and thereby have the impact we want.
The following are examples of such words and phrases, along with an explanation of how they may be misinterpreted.
But!
When we hear the word ‘but’ in a sentence, it has a powerful effect. We tend to diminish the value of what has been said and place a greater emphasis on what is about to come. Consider the following sentences:
I can see that you are working hard, but we need more.
I like spending time with you but I’m busy right now.
You look great in that but let’s keep shopping and see what else we find.
The insertion of ‘but’ changes the meaning of what has been said. In contrast, consider the following sentences:
I can see that you are working hard. We must find a way to achieve more.
I like spending time with you. I’m just really busy right now.
You look great in that. Let’s keep shopping though in case we find something even better.
‘Yet’ and ‘however’ have a similar effect as but.
No!
Is an abrupt and terminal response to a request or suggestion. It can trigger momentary resentment and resistance. Using other words to reject an idea or suggestion can sound less abrasive to the other party and ensure they remain engaged for subsequent explanations.
Example – Consider a five-year-old child walking past an ice cream van with a parent,
“Can I have an ice cream?”
“No. You’ll be having your dinner soon”.
Vs
“Maybe later, after dinner. If you have one now, you’ll not be hungry”.
Both responses decline the request. Whilst the first is terminal, the second leaves the door open to the desired outcome and sounds reasonable.
“You Are Wrong!”
A statement that rarely leads to an open discussion or the other party considering our point of view. It tends to evoke defensive and entrenched behaviours.
Possible alternatives include:
My experience is different because…….
I disagree because………
I think that …. is a better way to achieve that outcome because …..
Have you considered ………?
Actually …
Very similar to ‘You are wrong’ when used to prefix what you believe to be the correct facts, options, or opinions.
With Respect……
Again, similar to ‘You are wrong’. When have you ever heard these words and felt that those delivering them were being respectful? No offence but…is a similar phrase.
I’m Just Saying
The chances are if you find yourself saying this you have just given someone unrequested and probably unwanted, negative feedback.
To Be Honest, If I’m Honest
When we prefix a statement in this way, we are implicitly declaring that everything else we say is less than honest. These statements can sow a seed of doubt in the minds of others.
The Power of “We”
If you wish to build relationships quickly then ‘We’ is a powerful word. ‘We’ suggests part of the same group or tribe. ‘We are all in this together.’ It creates a common bond and implies a level of understanding. ‘Us’, ‘Our’, and ‘Ours’ have a similar effect.
Using the words ‘You’, ‘Them’, and ‘Their,’ suggest difference and create subconscious barriers.